How to Give Feedback Like a Pro (Without the Awkwardness)

Most people don’t avoid feedback because they don’t care. They avoid it because it feels awkward, emotional, and full of potential landmines. 😬

Why feedback feels so uncomfortable

There are two common reasons for why feedback feels uncomfortable:

• We don’t know how to structure it
• We try to be nice and end up either taking the blame ourselves, completely underselling the impact, or not being clear on exactly what’s needed instead resulting in the issue not going away.

The truth is, It’s actually really hard to tell someone they’re not doing that great. 

It should never really feel comfortable. BUT, it can feel simple and when we plan for it, it can also be effective too.

The Simple Feedback Tool: Situation → Impact → Way Forward

This gives your feedback structure, clarity, and kindness.

1. Situation
Describe what happened. Factually and neutrally.
“Yesterday in the client meeting…”

2. Impact
Explain the effect on you, the team, the client, or the work.
“…it meant we ran out of time for key decisions.”

3. Way Forward
Agree what to do differently next time. This should be a 2 way conversation starting with asking for their ideas first.
“How do you think this could be different next time?” “What do you need from me?”

That’s it. No character attacks. No mind-reading. No emotional dumping. 

Just clear, respectful feedback.

Why tone matters: A quick intro to Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis (TA) says we tend to communicate from one of three “states” (PAC Model):

• Parent (critical or controlling)
  
  
• Child (defensive, emotional, or withdrawn)
  
  
• Adult (calm, rational, respectful)

Feedback works best when both parties are communicating from their adult state (Adult to Adult)  but often it falls into Parent to Child (“You always do this”) resulting in your team member getting defensive (“That’s not true”) and the conversation feeling sour.

Can you resonate?

Adult to adult sounds like:

• Curious, not blaming
  
  
• Clear, not vague
  
  
• Collaborative, not commanding
  

The feedback tool above naturally supports Adult-to-Adult conversations because it’s factual, balanced, and forward-focused.

What this looks like in real life

Instead of: “You’re always late with your work and it’s really frustrating.”

Try: “When the report was late yesterday (situation), it delayed the client sign-off (impact). Can we agree a clearer process moving forward? (way forward)”

Same message. Very different experience.

Final thought

Good feedback isn’t about being “nice” or “tough.” Instead it’s trying to be clear, fair, and human.

Managers that get this right find it easy to build trust, confidence, and healthier working relationships.

If you want support building this skill in your managers (without awkward role play), that’s exactly what we do at Ig-hr.

‍